Saturday, March 12, 2011

354 Days

Disclaimer: this is not a funny post at all. So you should probably just pass over it. I just needed to get it out of my system. 

My 20th birthday is on on the 21st of this month so it's in 8 days which means it has been 354 days since my last birthday. I've been thinking a lot about the past year and I can't even seem to wrap my head around everything that has happened. My life as changed 1000% since this time last year. And in the beginning I thought it was going to be the worst year of my life. In a lot of ways it was, but out of disaster comes really great things. Once you know you can't go any further down the rabbit hole you realize that things can only get better. You know that saying "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans?" well I never understood that until this year. I had all these plans for this past year and most of them were filled with one specific person. But on my birthday all those plans disappeared. I blamed a whole lot of people for that day, but it was ultimately my fault. I brought it upon myself, but that didn't make what I had to go through any less painful. In all honesty, not a day goes by that I don't wish I could go back and erase everything that led to that experience. There is still a hole in my heart a year later because I miss the person I can't stop calling my best friend.

In some strange "everything-happens-for-a-reason" way I'm glad I went through this year because I got to meet some completely amazing people and, more importantly, I got to meet myself. If I had never been hurt I wouldn't have had to examine all the choices I had made. I wouldn't have gotten to see that pointing out other people's flaws to cover up my own is the biggest betrayal in a friendship. And I wouldn't have gotten to know the fantastic people with whom I now surround myself. I don't think they know how much they've meant to me and how much I really appreciate them opening up their lives to me. Without them I don't know where I would be now.

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