Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Jordan Catalano Effect

I was having a conversation with a guy the other day and trying to explain to him why nice, wholesome, generally happy girls feel the need to chase after guys who act like assholes. This centuries-old concept can be described in two very appealing words: Jordan Catalano. Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? For those for you who may not be familiar with Jordan Catalano-get on my level and watch 80's coming-of-age beauty that is My So Called Life. Jordan Catalano (played by a pre-famous Jared Leto) is the angsty, brooding, melodramatic love interest of overly hormonal Angela. Angela comes from the "American Dream" type of family: 2.5 children, suburbs, white picket fence...the works. She has everything going for her, right? She could get any cookie-cutter guy around and who does she choose? The one who won't give her the time of day. The one who has more problems than she has solutions. The one with so little background information that she literally has to spy to gather "facts" about the "love of her life." That, my dear friends, is The Jordan Catalano Effect.Girls want guys that they have to fix. It's stupid and it's totally unhealthy. For some reason a challenge is attractive. You don't want her? That makes her want you more and now she's not going to stop until she gets what she wants.

Personally, I DON'T GET IT. Why on Earth do you want to date a guy that continually pushes you away? Just get a new dude. Or eat a grilled cheese, a pint of blue bell and maybe grab some mini muffins to drown your sorrows and THEN get a new dude. I won't deny-the guy's a fox. As are most of the men who fill Jordan Catalano mold. But ladies, please!, hunky does not a husband make. Just look at them. What's wrong with that? The Jonas Brothers use that tactic, right? And from my mere two decades on this planet I can tell you that you will never ever ever ever never fix him. IT AIN'T GONA HAPPEN. You're just wasting your childbearing years on some brodouche who doesn't care enough about you to fix HIMSELF. You may be into all the drama that a Jordan Catalano brings to the table, but I just find it tiring. I have a hard time mustering the energy to go to the grocery store and do laundry in the same day, add saving someone's brooding soul to the list? No, thanks.

Say it with me now...Jordan Catalanooo

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