Sunday, February 27, 2011

That's My Dad

So today is a really special day for me and my family. As of today my dad has been sober for 6 months. And I have never been more proud of another human being in my entire life. To be quite honest never thought I would see the day when he would stop drinking. When he he was hospitalized in September I was prepared for the worst, but his stubborn ass just wasn't ready to go so fought and against all odds he hasn't touched alcohol since then. WHAT A FUCKING BADASS. Just sayin. It's pretty impressive. I'm just really overwhelmed by his transformation. It's like I have a whole new, fun, great dad. And it looks like this dad is going to be sticking around for a long time which I'm pretty excited about.

Because I had to drive back to ATX today I couldn't be with my dad so in honor of him I am watching is second favorite movie: Bad Santa. His number one is well rounded. But I have to admit that this really is a funny movie. I don't always like Billy Bob, but he can pull of sarcasm.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


A guilty pleasure is just that. And one of my guilty pleasures is none other than Jersey Shore. I can't deny that when I'm channel surfing I get sucked in by those rust-colored, not so Italians. Not to mention that I, along with the rest of the college students in America, am enthralled with the soap opera that is Ron and Sam Relationship. It's clearly a lifetime movie just waiting to happen. Also I feel a kinship with Snooki because I feel like nobody else understands just how delicious pickles really are. Come one. Pickles are the greatest snacks. And whoever invented fried pickles deserves some kind of a metal. Let's not overlook the fact that a couple of those young men (Pauly and Vinny) are pretty easy on the eyes.

What's nuts is how much money those kids make. I mean come on, The Situation made something like $200,000 last year. For What? Having sex with lots of girls and going to the gym on a regular basis? I say that, yet here I sit on a Thursday night drinking my Jamba Juice and laughing out loud as Snooks and Deena get sent unknowingly to Times Square. Situation-1, Meatballs-0.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Scarlett Number

In a little less than a month I'll be turning 20. No longer a teenager, but completely insignificant. The majority of my friends here in Austin are older than I am and most of them are already 21 (or will be by the end of the semester). While I am so excited for them, I'm also down in the mouth about it. Because I need to find things to do with other people while those friends go downtown...for the next year. Let me be clear, I'm not looking to go down on 6th and get schwasted.  I'm not a big drinker in the first place and even less so in public places so I'm really not going to go all Coyote Ugly and do a strip tease on the bar at Headhunters. I just want to be able to go places with my friends.

For instance, tonight I have no homework, I feel great and I just want to go out and do something. But all my friends are busy. So my plans consist of doing laundry, going grocery shopping, more laundry and watching a marathon of Jersey Shore (you know I love me some Pauly). I just need to get out of this apartment. I'm going crazy. And not in a United States of Tara kind of crazy, but a watching documentaries about 800 pound women, doing crunches on the floor kind of crazy. Help me!

This is what I need

Monday, February 21, 2011

I Don't Want No Scrub

I just want to talk about a couple things I find flawed with the logistics of the modern day dating scene. First of all, the next guy that makes an unoriginal pass at me in the HEB parking lot is going to get a black eye. Because seriously, that's getting old. Quoting mainstream pop/rap lyrics as a come on will give me a hell of an anecdote to tell at parties, but it's really not going to sweep me off my feet. What's with that? I don't listen to Ludacris and think to myself "Man, that guy really understands romance. I sure wish a dude would rap that to me later." What happened to the good old fashioned art of walking up to someone and introducing yourself. When did that become lame, because I think I missed the memo. And guys-don't yell profane "compliments" to a girl from a car window. Especially from the passenger side window. Because that probably means you don't drive and we don't want to get on that. So my ass might look nice in these jeans, but I'm not driving yours around in my car.
If you want to come at me with song lyrics, this is what it should look like.
(Trench coat optional.)

Something I have seen lately in my own life and in the lives of others is a lack of respect on dates. And I'm not saying anyone is being overtly mean, but technology is sort of taking over. I was out the other night and I saw a couple on a date. They looked pretty comfortable so I'm guessing it wasn't a first, but still, a date's a date. The guy checked his phone a grand total of nine times in the twenty minute period that I saw him. Unless there is some sort of emergency (in which case you shouldn't really be on a date anyways) PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. The world will continue if you go radio silent for all of an hour. I promise. Even Facebook will continue to operate in your absence. I suggest reading this post called A Gentleman's Guide to The 21st Century taken from the blog Make It Mad. Highly instructive.

Maybe I'm just being a Bitter Betty, but I don't think I'm asking too much here. Let's just all get our shit together and treat each other right.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Jesus Pancakes

True to form, whenever something really exciting is on the horizon my body decides to revolt. So naturally on the eve of Caroline's birthday I developed a nasty case of strep throat. Luckily this is my 237th case of strep so I knew immediately what I had and what needed to be done to treat it. Unfortunately, it took the staff at the urgent care clinic 3 hours to get on my level. I've had strep more times than anyone else I know combined. I can tell that I have it simply by the way that mouth tastes. Just write me the prescription and we can all get on with our day. No, I have to wait for them to run a test that should take 5 minutes but took 45 just to prove that I, in fact, have strep. But alas I am now chock full of penicillin and on my way to feeling better.

Despite my timing impaired tonsils, Caroline's 21st birthday party was a great success. All of our friends came out to celebrate with her and everybody had a fantastic time. The best part about hosting a party is that you don't have to go home after the party. It's boss. There's no driving, no walking up stairs, no unlocking doors. You just walk into your room and go to sleep. The downside of hosting a party is that when you wake up and walk into the living room you are greeted with the smell of stale beer (yum) and a plethora of solo cups. So naturally the three of us brushed our teeth, got dressed and left the apartment to pretend the mess didn't exist. Besides, it was a beautiful day outside so we would have been doing ourselves an injustice to clean rather than get out and soak up some Vitamin D.

So my other roommate, Carissa, and I decided to have a Sunday lunch date at Magnolia complete with Jesus Pancakes. That's right. You heard me. Jesus Pancakes. A plate-sized buttermilk pancake with bananas and chocolate chips baked inside. With grilled potatoes and orange juice on the side. If that doesn't say "Happy Sunday" I don't know what does. 

You know you want that.

Friday, February 18, 2011

It's Friday, I'm In Love

What is it about a Friday that just makes the world better? I don't know about you, but I just wake up on the right side of the bed on Friday mornings. Even the fact that our apartment is still falling apart around us isn't getting me down. Not to mention that while running errands with my roommate, Caroline, we came across a lovely girl scout peddling delicious cookies. Naturally we pooled our resources and invested in this young girl's business endeavor. I mean come on, they cost $3.50 a box. We had to help her meet her goal and get that giraffe key chain, right? And have you ever had a frozen thin mint with a glass of milk in the middle of the night after a party? If not, get on my level. It'll change your life.

One thing that did threaten to bum my Friday high was all the stink eyes I got while driving home from work today. It was a beautiful day so I rolled my windows down, turned my music up and jammed the fuck out to Warren Zevon's song "Werewolves of London." People looked at me like I was off my rocker for enjoying my life. I would just like to say this to the citizens who may encounter me while driving in Austin: I car dance. Get over it. YOU DO IT TOO. I just don't care if people see me. So don't mean mug me. I'm sorry that your day is not going as well as mine, but I'll send good vibes your way.

This is a great song to sing on a pretty day like today. My dad and I wore it out when I was a kid. Howl along. You know you want to.

I'm very excited to wish Caroline a happy 21st birthday in two hours. We're going to celebrate at our apartment tomorrow night. It's going to be awesome. Hopefully the air conditioner works by then or we'll all burn up, but that's an issue to be tackled tomorrow.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


I left my heart in San Fransisco Louisville, Kentucky....
My very sweet mother attempted to send me a care package filled with all kinds of treasures. The box included a target gift card, candy galore and even my old childhood friends, Mr. Bunny and Mr. Bear. These dudes have been with me since the beginning of time. Literally. March 21st will be our 20th anniversary so obviously we have some history. Sounds like the best package you've ever heard of right? So naturally I've been looking forward to it for a bout a week now and when it didn't arrive on time I began to become concerned. So this afternoon I go to the post office where they informed me that the box was in fact delivered in tact and on time! In Louisville, Kentucky. Now I  know it's been a while since my last geography class, but I'm pretty sure Austin, Texas and Louisville, Kentucky are not exactly close.

 It's shit like this that makes me wish I were a wizard..witch...whatever [I like Harry Potter, get over it]. I would just wave my wand and bizboombang that express mail package would appear at my apartment doorstep. Done and done. I already have a wand [thanks, Harry Potter World] now all I need is my Hogwarts acceptance letter and I'm golden.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It's Wednesday, hump day..workin towards that weekend

Today is just one of those days where I want to throw myself into a good marathon of trashy TV eat snacks alongside my roommate. So I am doing just that. After getting out of class and off work she and I are now lounging in my room laptops in hand, animal crackers, saltines, cell phones and remote all within arms reach watching the ever-so-compelling "My Strange Addiction" on TLC.

Being awakened today by the sounds of construction was not altogether unpleasant considering that the sweet melody of power tools has been my alarm for several weeks now. No, today the real excitement came when our toilet decided flood our bathroom completely of its own accord making it necessary for my roommate's lovely boyfriend to step in to save the day. We have an on call emergency maintenance staff, but a bathroom flood isn't an emergency seeing as our other roommate also has a bathroom. Go figure.

This early glitch in the day cannot overcome my joy in the fact that I do not have a paper to write tonight. Three papers due within two days was more than enough and tonight I have no homework and could not be more excited about it. This is the first evening in quite a while that I will be able to just take it easy. 

On a last note, I watched one of my favorite movies, Almost Famous, last night. The scene where everyone comes together by singing Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" is my favorite part and it's also my favorite song. One of my favorite songs to listen to in the car. I turn the volume all the way up (so I can't hear myself sing) and jam.