Candy Canes and Hair Loss

I'm sure you've been waiting will breath that is bated for my next blog post and I'm sure this one is just going to be just the gem you're hoping for.

Well while I'm sure you've all been out there doing interesting things with your lives, I've been pulling my hair out (quite literally) trying to make it to Christmas break. I keep telling myself "just make it to the 14th," but then I remember all the things I have to get finished (rather started and finished) before then and I begin to feel light-headed. When that feeling strikes I sit, take some deep breaths, and pretend my life simply doesn't exist.

Also, as most people know, I'll be graduating in one year from right now. That's ridiculous. My roommate and I were talking last night about how we can absolutely understand how people can be completely unproductive members of society. In theory, I'd love to get a job with a wonderful company that a respect and that respects me. And in theory, I would be great at my job, my bosses would love me, and aside from the occasional slip-up I'd live happily ever after. What I'm picturing in my head, however, is: I get a job with a wonderful company, I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing, I do something to royally fuck it up, they fire me, and then I have a psychotic break and end up sitting on the couch watching the history channel with my dad for the rest of my life.

Enough stalling. I actually have to finish my advertising homework now. Because I've found that thew whole "pretending my life doesn't exist" thing just isn't an effective tactic.

I don't want to be a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins.

I Think Netflix Is My Boyfriend.

It has been a hot minute since I updated this thing. I've been very busy lately, what with my bursting social calender (read: bursting mountains of homework, 3 seasons of Breaking Bad and watching both Easy A and Titanic more than once this week). I'm in high demand these days, obviously.  


Something that has perturbed me this week is: Dancing With The Stars. I don't get it. I don't want to get it. I would tell all those assholes to stick to their day jobs, but they don't have any. Really, the most interesting guy those people could wrangle up was Rob Kardashian? He's the Kardashian that the rest of the family wants to vote off the island. The only thing I can say to describe him would be: L-7-WEENIE.

I've made a resolution this week to jazz up my life. Because right now I'm pretty lame; I have a bed time, I see the inside of the library more than I see my friends, and when I get out of class I look forward to hunkering down in my bed with a Jamba Juice and my Netflix account. While that life is comfortable and cosy for me, it is also boring as shit. Therefore I have made the decision to meet new people and say "yes" whenever anyone wants to do something. I know what you're thinking, "Slow down, wild woman!" But really, I'm breaking out of the rut I've fallen into during the last eight months. Ready...Break!

Right now I'm laying on my mom's couch having cuddle time with my kitty and puppy. The three of us are going to work on my ethics paper while watching My Cousin Vinny.

Champagne Wishes & Caviar Dreams to you all.

Elephant Lunchbox

If you've been keeping up with me at all the past three months, you would know that this has been quite possibly the most abysmal summer on record. Seriously, I've been miserable. Constant school, not much of a social life to speak of (though I am slowly starting to rebuild my friend base, so that's a plus), and it has been roughly 5000 degrees every day. Thank goodness for my mother who just whisked me away to California for 5 days. If not for that I probably would still be hiding in my closet crying about the astonishing lack of life in my life. Sounds a wee bit pathetic, right?

Tomorrow is the first day of Fall semester at St. Ed's and I'm not dreading it. At least it will be a change of scene, I'll get to see some different people, I'll get to be in classes that I actually want to take, and last (but most importantly) I'll get to use my new lunchbox. Now, I know you're thinking why would an adult cary a lunchbox? Well, one day during my internship I mentioned to my colleague, Katie, that I take brown paper sack lunches on days when I have several classes with no breaks. She then brought to my attention that I should get a lunchbox because using all those paper bags is pretty wasteful. She's right. So one night, my friend Magz and I were galavanting around Target and I spotted a lunchbox that is shaped like an elephant. Naturally, elephants being my power animal, I had to buy it. This is not a wasted purchase because I'm kind of in love with this lunchbox. Functional and fun. It even has an ice pack that looks like an elephant. What more could I want!?

It even has a tail haha! 

Until The Very End

I just need to get this off my chest: So one thing about me is that the more tired I am the more observant I am. That said, most of what I observe annoys me when I'm tired. For instance: I've said it before, but I'll say it again, ladies, leggings are never ever ever never an acceptable substitute for pants. And if you're going to disgrace yourself by wearing leggings to class and in other public forums, please for the love of all that is holy and good, DON'T wear underwear with seams. If you can see it in the mirror, I can see it when you're walking around. It's bright outside. Leggings are not jeans. You can see right through 'em. Do us all a favor and save that for your house. Thanks.

Anywhoo. Now that's out, I can get onto what this post is really about: Harry Potter 7 Part 2. Anyone who knows me is aware that there are very few things of which I am truly a "fan." There are things that I like and enjoy a great deal, but being a fan takes a commitment. My dad has Longhorn football and I have Harry Potter. As a kid I was never a very good reader so I never wanted to take the time to try. Then my mom started to read me Harry Potter. She'd lay down with me every night and read until I fell asleep. I loved every single minute. I was so young and just fell in love with the story. I mean come on, who in my age group wasn't convinced that owl was going to show up on their 11th birthday? As I got older I started reading the books for myself (I'm actually a very great reader now, in case you were wondering) and now I listen to the audiobooks. No matter how stressed or upset I am, turning on the Harry Potter audiobooks instantly calms me down and I'm asleep within minutes. So, obviously, I'm a Harry Potter fan.

I've seen all the movies and, to be honest, most have been semi-disappointing. It's hard to turn that level of detail into a 2 hour blockbuster. Regardless, this being the last movie ever, my cousin, Macy and I decided to go at midnight. We donned our Quidditch jerseys (yeah, I said it. That's what you get when you spend three days at Harry Potter World) and had our wands clutched in our hands. There were things left out of the movie, I knew there would be, but overall I was mesmerized the whole time. Not going to lie, cried a few times. I loved the way they portrayed the most important parts of the book. I would probably see it again haha.

I just re-read this post and thought to myself "..And you wonder why you haven't gotten any dates lately. Stop talking about Harry Potter." But hey, at least I'm not a hoarder.

Addict.

I challenge you to think of the last time you turned on your television and an episode of Law & Order wasn't showing. Seriously. It's like All My Children but with cops and bad guys running rampant. My Law & Order of choice is Special Victims Unit. USA has marathons every afternoon and every episode from every season is on Netflix instant play. It's just begging me to watch it! And really, what's not to love about SVU? It's got snazzy intro music, cunning detective working to bring rapists and child predators to justice, all those witty one-liners, you could cut the sexual tension between Elliot and Olivia with a knife, and let's not overlook that fact that Ice-T is a full-time cast member. I mean, come on! It's Ice-T being a real life actor! How are you not going to watch that?

Also- I'm pretty obsessed with Mariska Hargitay. She's super hot, strong-willed, and fights sexual predators on the daily. The chick serves justice to criminals, remains empathetic to victims, and cleans up her partner's personal life without even smudging her perfectly colored lip gloss.

Unfortunately, for the upcoming season they're cutting her screen time down because she wants to spend more time with her family and Christopher Meloni is leaving all together. This saddens me. Who else is going to fill the shoes of Elliot Stabler? The tough, Irish Catholic, ex-Marine cop who's afraid to show is feelings but is really just a big softy. It sounds like an easy shtick, but nobody plays brooding and beautiful like Christopher Meloni.

Shit That Sucks.

My good friend, Deanna, has a very funny blog entitled "Shit That Sucks." In this blog she rants about daily frustrations that we all face that really just, well, suck. Well today I am taking a page from D's book and going to tell you about something that sucks (and I think you'll agree). 


As some of you may know, quite a few of my close friends attend Texas A&M University. When applying for colleges I didn't think about a big school like A&M because I just felt like it wasn't my scene, that I wouldn't fit in there. So naturally I picked a small liberal arts school that happens to be the most expensive university on the planet (yeah ok, I'm sure Johns Hopkins is more expensive but, let's face it, it's not like I was ever going to go there. I'm not Joseph Martin). So I get to St. Edward's and it's a fantastic school! I love my professors, I like the majority of my classes and it's a very small campus so the class sizes are perfect at around 25-30 students. But it's hard as hell to make friends. That sounds laaaame and like I'm throwing my own pity party, but it's true. If you're not a hipster you can't hang out with the hipsters because you don't ride a fixed gear and shop at Urban Outfitters. And if you're not 21 and don't have a fake ID you can't hang out with anyone that goes downtown on a regular basis because you'll end up sitting at home bored while everyone else goes out. 


So sometimes I get down about my lack of a life and I start thinking "maybe I'll just transfer to A&M." This notion makes total sense: I have friends at A&M, everyone there is exceptionally nice and friendly, I love going to football games, it turns out that maroon is indeed in my color wheel, it's about half the cost of St. Ed's, the cost of living is also cut in half and let's not forget $4 movies. Sounds like a great decision, right? Not so much. You see, I've looked into transferring before and I knew that going from a private university to a public university would mean that some of my classes wouldn't transfer. Tonight I discovered a course equivalency guide that you just type in the class at St. Ed's and the database tells you whether or not it transfers. So I printed out my transcript and got to comparing. 


After this summer session I'll have a total of 70 meaning that I will be 5 hours short of completing the first semester of my junior year. Now I'll give you a minute to just take a guess as to how many of those hours will transfer. Go ahead, take your best guess. Give up? Ok, I'll tell ya. 42. 42 transferrable hours. That would make me 3 hours shy of completing the first semester of my sophomore year. In case you didn't keep up with all that, it means that the last year of my life would have been for nothing. I would be set to graduate in December of 2013 when at this point I should be graduating in December 2012. THAT REALLY SUCKS. Like, really. It sucks. 


So I can officially never transfer to A&M. But that's not going to stop me from sleeping on my best friend, Alison's floor in College Station for the duration of my college career. I mean who else is going to watch chick flicks and eat raw cookie dough with me?

Hag

Let me just preface this by saying, if you have any qualms with homosexuality you probably should stop reading and just un-friend me from life because I don't think we're going to get along all that great. I am usually not the type to wear my religious and political opinions on my sleeve unless something really peeves me, but make no mistake, my beliefs are solid and not going to change anytime soon.

Recently I posted a controversial video on my Facebook wall that depicted a Christian pastor reaching out to the homosexual youth of his congregation. He asked these young people to approach the stage to "be saved from the sin of homosexuality." He said he loved them, he forgave them, he welcomed them back into the church because they were tricked by "perverts" who made them think that they could possibly be homosexual.

Does anybody else think that's crazy? Because I certainly do. And if someone said that to my child at church I would be the first person up there saying "Fuck you, buddy. God gave me this kid so he must've had some sort of plan here." I just don't understand the whole "homosexuality is a sin" concept. I was raised Catholic, I've gone to Catholic school for 16 years so needless to say I've read the Bible a few times and have a pretty great relationship with the man upstairs. But never once in my life have I felt any hostility towards gay people. It just doesn't make sense to me that someone could harbor such intense hate for another person just based on their sexuality. I don't care who you want to spend your life with! You can marry a man or a woman or a flippin goat if that's what makes you happy and gives your life meaning. Hate just seems to waste everyone's time. Case and point: Westbro Baptist Church. If they took all of that energy and focused it somewhere positive I wager that they could cure world poverty.

I'm with this guy. LOL

Kin Folk

It's been a hot minute since I last posted! You may be thinking "she must just be having an amazing summer filled with fun and merriment." Well you would be mistaken. I'm doing a lot of summer school and my internship so I really do not have time to do anything but study and sleep. Ah..the life I lead.

I decided to make this post about something that is a new pseudo obsession of mine: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on TLC. It is awful. But I just can't seem to look away when I stumble onto a new episode. The show centers around the Irish Traveler community in the UK and depicts their lavish, and oh so tacky, weddings and other rites of passage. I think part of the reason I watch it is because I come from a long line of Irish Travelers. I just keep thinking "that could be my life." I mean, let's face it, Irish families multiply at a rapid rate so there's a good chance we're related to some of these people. I'm twenty years old so apparently if I were living among the Travelers I would be a spinster by now. That, or I'd be on my third wedding anniversary with two or three kids running around and one on the way. NO, THANK YOU.

Remember how I said these blessed Traveler events are tacky? I say that because I don't think there has yet been a word invented to truly encapsulate the horror that is a wedding dress in this gypsy community. I'll just let you be the judge. This darling girl is 16 years old and she's marrying her prince charming. Read: they've known each other all of three months and he won her heart by buying her a trailer of their very own that she can clean all day long while he goes to work AND he was late to the wedding because he was down the street getting drunk with his friends. (Man, I wish that dude was still on the market. He sounds like a goddamn champ.)

That's her with her bridesmaids. Cute.

This girl gives a whole new meaning to the term "wedding glow." She had LED lights placed all through her dress and vale. I don't know why Vera Wang hasn't jumped on that bandwagon yet.

The show isn't all bad, it's a nice insight into the life of an Irish Traveler. I think if they hadn't centered it around the mating rituals I could take it more seriously. STOP wearing the nutty dresses and then maybe people won't discriminate against you. I don't mean they need to conform totally to mainstream society, but if they want so badly to be accepted don't wear that dress to a church. Just sayin.

Save The Drama For Yo Mamma

Today is Mother's Day and I hope you are all celebrating by telling your moms how awesome they are or by having your kiddos smolder you with hugs and kisses.

I am very sad because I can't be with my mommy today but I will be seeing her beautiful face on Thursday and hopefully I'll be able to make up for it then. I hope she's having a good day despite my absence! I sure do miss you, momma. I can't wait to come home even if it's only for a few days. My mom is hands down the best mom I could ask for. She's always there for me when I need her and she is a wonderful best friend.

Say What?

So there I am, minding my own business, walking through the HEB parking lot when all of a sudden from behind me I hear, "Yo, mommy what's good?" Now, I can overlook the complete lack of English speaking grammar in that question; I can even look past the fact that it was yet another sleazy come on from a hommie at the Riverside HEB. What I had a hard time swallowing was the word, "mommy." Boy, I ain't yo momma.

Apparently, among my generation, a trend has formed in which you are to refer to your significant other (more often than not, in a strictly physical situation) using the slang terms "mommy" or "daddy." Come on. I can't be the only one that finds that disgusting. I have one daddy and his name is Terrence Alan Grisham. I have called him daddy since I could speak and that will forever change. So the thought of referring to a man friend as "daddy" makes me want to drive my ass straight to therapy (or confession...whichever is closest). So, seriously, who thought this was sexy? Why would I want a guy looking at me and immediately thinking "mom!" Oedipal complex much? DEAL. BREAKER. I have a name and if you haven't asked it yet there are a vast number of adjectives you could in the meantime. Check your birth certificate-if my name does not appear, you don't get to call me "momma."

Attack Attack!

Very true to form, in times of great stress I am getting sick. I can absolutely guarantee that I will have strep throat by the end of the week. I can feel strep coming from a mile away. It's right on schedule. I get strep like clockwork every semester so I like to keep a little penicillin handy so I can start before I have time to get to a doctor. And considering that I won't have time to see a doctor until the afternoon of the 16th, I'd say my system is pretty smart. When my tonsils attack I like to be right there to attack back. People tell me all the time I should just get them taken out and to those people I say, I tried, but then I got strep. And my father saw that as a sign that I shouldn't have surgery. So here we are.

Aside from getting sick, I'm having a rather good day! I'm still very stressed, but I have made peace with the fact that it's just not going to let up for a while so I may as well just get used to the constant brick on my chest. That being realized has allowed me to take today off for some Barton Springs fun. I was recently elected Vice President of the St. Edward's Communication Society and we all wanted to have an end of year social so we picked a day at Barton. It was very fun! The sun was shining, we had a great picnic, and good company. It was very relaxing and a nice way to end the weekend.

Caroline, Me, Ilse, Angela, Trisha, Bea

To end my night I'm just going to drink lots of water and orange juice while watching Law&Order SVU (because there's always a marathon on tv) and My So Called Life. Because those shows have so much in common....Whatever, I just have diverse tastes and I'm fine with that. Get on my level.

Let's Get Real

Let's talk about sex, baby. Yeah, I said it. What? Does that make you uncomfortable? Well get over it.

I'm sitting in my bed right now watching the MTV show "16 & Pregnant." A lot of people think this is a deplorable show, and in all honesty it sends some bad messages: get pregnant and MTV will finance it, domestic abuse is fine as long as you're in looooove, marriage will fix everything. Obviously those things are not quantities I would want young girls to learn from this show, but there are more important lessons to be learned here: it only takes one time to get knocked up and your very young boyfriend may not be the prince you think he is. These girls go through a lot of shit and it does not make motherhood look easy. It gives young audiences a pretty good perspective of what teenage pregnancy really means.

I just do not understand the concept of having unprotected sex. Buy a five dollar box of condoms or pay thousands of dollars in medical bills? And a lot of girls say, "well talking to my parents about birth control is awkward so I'd just rather not." Yeah, you're right, it's awkward as hell. But would you rather say, "hey, mom I should probably go to the gynecologist to get on birth control" OR "hey, mom Paulie Bleaker, over here, got me pregnant and I should probably go to the gynecologist to get an ultrasound."??? I'll take option one any day.

All I'm saying is, I'm 20 years old. I know that I am going to be a great mom one day, but that day is not anywhere near today. No baby is a mistake, I would never say that, but the younger you are, the harder it is.

Do Not Anger The Stress Monster

My hair is a dead giveaway of my mood. If it is straightened, I'm having a good day because I actually spent the 45 minutes it takes to make it straight. I love my hair straight, I think it's a pretty look. If my hair is air-dried curly and down that means I am in a good mood, but I want to chill and relax. That happens quite a lot during the Summer months. If my hair is in a braid to the side it means that I wanted to straighten my hair but I'm having a busy day and didn't have time.

But if my hair is up? Run. At the first sign of stress and/or anger my hair immediately goes up. If it's in a braided bun it's probably best to avoid eye contact because there's a 136.78% chance that I will attempt to physically harm you. Want to take a guess what my hair looks like right this second? Here's a hint: I was up until 4 am writing a paper, I also had a paper due on Wednesday. Today I had to register for classes and of the 6 classes I planned to take in the fall 1 was open by my registration time causing me to have to take my summer classes in the fall putting me a semester behind where I aimed to be. Words cannot express my frustration. I want to crawl under a rock and emerge only when this nightmare of a week is sufficiently repressed in my brain. In light of the fact that I have yet to spot a large enough rock, I just have the serenity prayer on repeat in my mind.

Guilty Pleasures

Do you have those songs, shows, movies, etc. that you really love but you know other people would/do totally make fun of you for loving? I sure do. And you know what, I'm fine with that. I'm just fine with the fact that I am a pale-ass, suburban white girl and my theme song in life is Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangsta. If you see me blasting that shit in my car, you go ahead and stare all you want because I'm not turning it down and I'm not going to stop rapping along (you're damn straight I know all the lyrics). Yeah it's a horribly vulgar song, but sometimes I think I'm thug. I may look stupid as hell to you, but I feel awesome when I hear that song. Really gets my blood pumping. Makes me want to hit faulty office equipment with baseball bats and shit. I do what I want.

Also I love the show Sons of Anarchy. I am fully aware that everyone else thinks that's lame, but get over it. I am enthralled. It's based off of Hamlet which is also one of my favorite plays. So mix the Hamlet archetype with a sexy, brooding, angry-but-good-hearted biker and I'm hooked. So get off my nuts and let me enjoy my peaceful downtime filled with the woes of conscious-driven motorcycle gang members.

Lastly, I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I love Harry Potter. The books, the movies, the theme park. My mom read me the books as a kid and I listen to them on audiobooks as an adult. And I am not the slightest bit ashamed about it. Don't even pretend you didn't wait for an owl to show up at your house, Hogwarts letter in hand, when you were 11. That would have been mind-blowing and you would have been stoked. Swish and flick.

Sixteen Candles

Tomorrow my little cousin, Haley will turn 16. THAT IS SO WEIRD. I can't believe how grown up she is. I blinked and she went from 4 years old to this incredibly beautiful, smart, funny and amazing young woman. I have never seen someone dance the way she does; it's like she just transforms to the music. I am the klutz of klutzes and here I'm related to this perfectly poised and graceful ballerina. I would be jealous, but I don't know if I would be able to put in the work she does. The commitment it takes to be a serious dancer in high school is astounding but she endures it on top of making exemplary grades. One day everyone will know her name and I'll get to say, "That's my baby cousin." I hope she has a wonderful birthday (even though she has a performance) and I know that 16 is going to be a fantastic year for my girl.

All this 16 year old talk has gotten me remembering my life at 16. I'm not going to lie, when I was 16 my life was badass. I had the best friends, the coolest mom, the party house and I was the first one to be able to drive. As soon as I got those car keys I was home to sleep and even that was rare. I taught my friend Nick how to drive in my car. I used to drive around with my windows down, Lil Wayne blasting and my bass shaking other people's cars. Yeah, I was that guy. Catherine and I were always late to school, but her mom used to make us these bomb as hell sausage biscuits in the mornings so being late was always worth it.  I used my car an extra room, there were more clothes in that damn 4-Runner than in both of my closets combined. People criticized this but I'll have you know that I was always warm on cold days because I always had extra layers.

But I really did have the world's greatest friends. And I am very proud to say that I have maintained almost all those friendships. We are all in different places now but that doesn't make much of a difference. We did some crazy and fantastically stupid shit in high school, but by the grace of God we lived to tell the tales. They are still some of the coolest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet.

Where Are You, Cary?

First of all, there are just a few things that have been weighing on my mind today. Sort of pet peeves, if you will.

1. Leggings are not pants. Ever. And you wore panties under them? Really? If you can see them, we can see them.
2. Stealing someone's parking spot is really not nice. Especially if you mean mug while you do it. We all have classes to get to. Hence me waiting for the parking spot. So I apologize for strongly worded note you found on your windshield, but you know you deserved it.
3. If you're going to flirt with me, I would like you to ask me out. I'm bored a lot and I would much rather be on a date. So let's avoid the friend zone and just date. Ok? Ok.
4. Don't lie. Just don't. Especially for stupid reasons. You won't get in trouble if you tell the truth, lying just wastes a lot of other peoples' time.

Whew. I feel MUCH better now that those things out. On a happier note: I am winding down my day by watching one of my all-time favorite movies, An Affair to Remember. In my Media Communications class yesterday, we had a discussion about how men in the media just aren't like Cary Grant anymore and ever since then I've had a craving to watch this movie. And as I watch it I just want to know, where have all the Cary Grants gone? He was handsome, yes, but he was also so smooth, debonair and a true romantic. You don't see that too much in Hollywood these days. Sure, we have some good looking men these days, I mean wouldn't kick Jake Gyllenhaal out of bed for eating crackers, but he doesn't really strike me as the Cary Grant type. Come on? Is it too much to ask for a guy to meet me, leave his sugar mama fiancè, and arrange to meet me atop the Empire State Building once he has enough money to support us with his paintings? Maybe not just like that...I'll settle for an already single guy, who's an unemployed student, and meeting at the coffee shop. Seems easy enough. I just want a little old school romance in my life. So now, I leave you and return to my freshly popped kettle corn and the total chick flick (from which all men could get tips) that is An Affair to Remember.

People Dying Everywhere, People Living In Despair....

BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY (to myself)

That's right, it's my birthday. I am officially no longer a teenager! Much to the chagrin of my parents, I turned 20 years old today. I don't know about you, but I love birthdays. It's the only day out of the entire year where you get to use the excuse "because it's my birthday" in any scenario. Case and point: this morning I got up and went straight for the fridge where my delicious black forest cake (courtesy of my mother) is now residing, cut myself a piece and sat down next to my roommate to enjoy some breakfast and an episode of Tabitha's Salon Takeover. As anyone would, she looks over, raises her eyebrows and says, "cake for breakfast?" I merely replied: "Naturally. Because it's my birthday."

One of my favorite parts of the day was arriving to my office and being greeting with the cascarone tradition. Or in other words, having my awesome colleagues crack confetti eggs on my head. Then we all dug into a delicious chocolate creme pie! Yum! All around a great, fun, chocolate-filled birthday.  

The most common milestone birthday question is "do you feel different?" On every other big birthday the answer to that question has been "no." Today, however, I have found myself answering in the affirmative. I really do feel different. It hasn't been an overnight transformation, so to speak, but I have really started to realize it recently. I just look at certain people around me who focus solely on having fun all the time and I just find that unappealing. I find it much more exciting to focus on school and graduating as soon as possible to actually get out and have a life. I guess I just have a lot of goals for my future and I kind of want to get a move on! Or maybe I'm just bored haha. Either way, I'm ready for the next, adult chapter in my life.

The Jordan Catalano Effect

I was having a conversation with a guy the other day and trying to explain to him why nice, wholesome, generally happy girls feel the need to chase after guys who act like assholes. This centuries-old concept can be described in two very appealing words: Jordan Catalano. Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? For those for you who may not be familiar with Jordan Catalano-get on my level and watch 80's coming-of-age beauty that is My So Called Life. Jordan Catalano (played by a pre-famous Jared Leto) is the angsty, brooding, melodramatic love interest of overly hormonal Angela. Angela comes from the "American Dream" type of family: 2.5 children, suburbs, white picket fence...the works. She has everything going for her, right? She could get any cookie-cutter guy around and who does she choose? The one who won't give her the time of day. The one who has more problems than she has solutions. The one with so little background information that she literally has to spy to gather "facts" about the "love of her life." That, my dear friends, is The Jordan Catalano Effect.Girls want guys that they have to fix. It's stupid and it's totally unhealthy. For some reason a challenge is attractive. You don't want her? That makes her want you more and now she's not going to stop until she gets what she wants.

Personally, I DON'T GET IT. Why on Earth do you want to date a guy that continually pushes you away? Just get a new dude. Or eat a grilled cheese, a pint of blue bell and maybe grab some mini muffins to drown your sorrows and THEN get a new dude. I won't deny-the guy's a fox. As are most of the men who fill Jordan Catalano mold. But ladies, please!, hunky does not a husband make. Just look at them. What's wrong with that? The Jonas Brothers use that tactic, right? And from my mere two decades on this planet I can tell you that you will never ever ever ever never fix him. IT AIN'T GONA HAPPEN. You're just wasting your childbearing years on some brodouche who doesn't care enough about you to fix HIMSELF. You may be into all the drama that a Jordan Catalano brings to the table, but I just find it tiring. I have a hard time mustering the energy to go to the grocery store and do laundry in the same day, add saving someone's brooding soul to the list? No, thanks.

Say it with me now...Jordan Catalanooo

Roadtrippin.

I cannot express how welcome this week has been! Taking 18 hours plus an internship this semester is quite an undertaking and it has been very difficult to have any spare time. When I'm not in class or at work I'm doing homework or sleeping. So this week has been fantastic. I had one day where I actually slept past noon and then literally did nothing all day. Blissful oblivion.

On Monday, on of my very best friends, Liz, and I decided to take a roadtrip to Galveston. Our friend Issac who lives there invited us down and his family has a beach house. Meaning we get to stay for free. The word "free" equates to "abra-fucking-cadabra" in the mind of a college student. So Liz and I jumped on the opportunity. And come on? Why would I pass up a chance to take a roadtrip? So on Monday afternoon I ventured the 2 hours to College Station to get Liz then we got our customary Chicken Express sweet tea, plugged in the GPS and settled in for the 3 hour drive to the island.

This three day vacation was exactly what I needed! Yesterday Liz and I woke up around noon, went to meet Isaac at his karate studio, got some lunch then laid out on the beach until the sun started to fade. That night we donned some fierce heels and Isaac took us out to one of the local clubs.

We headed back to the mainland today with tanner skin and lighter souls.

354 Days

Disclaimer: this is not a funny post at all. So you should probably just pass over it. I just needed to get it out of my system. 

My 20th birthday is on on the 21st of this month so it's in 8 days which means it has been 354 days since my last birthday. I've been thinking a lot about the past year and I can't even seem to wrap my head around everything that has happened. My life as changed 1000% since this time last year. And in the beginning I thought it was going to be the worst year of my life. In a lot of ways it was, but out of disaster comes really great things. Once you know you can't go any further down the rabbit hole you realize that things can only get better. You know that saying "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans?" well I never understood that until this year. I had all these plans for this past year and most of them were filled with one specific person. But on my birthday all those plans disappeared. I blamed a whole lot of people for that day, but it was ultimately my fault. I brought it upon myself, but that didn't make what I had to go through any less painful. In all honesty, not a day goes by that I don't wish I could go back and erase everything that led to that experience. There is still a hole in my heart a year later because I miss the person I can't stop calling my best friend.

In some strange "everything-happens-for-a-reason" way I'm glad I went through this year because I got to meet some completely amazing people and, more importantly, I got to meet myself. If I had never been hurt I wouldn't have had to examine all the choices I had made. I wouldn't have gotten to see that pointing out other people's flaws to cover up my own is the biggest betrayal in a friendship. And I wouldn't have gotten to know the fantastic people with whom I now surround myself. I don't think they know how much they've meant to me and how much I really appreciate them opening up their lives to me. Without them I don't know where I would be now.

Tea and Crumpets

So for Lent I was planning to give up reality TV. About 10 minutes ago, however, I discovered an every-episode-ever Intervention marathon. So...that didn't really last past the ashes. I'll have to think of something else to give up. Reality TV is just too compelling. I'll cut down, but let's face it, by life is boring and the lives of teen moms, spoiled housewives, and people who hoard is much more entertaining. I've made peace with that fact. I know it's trashy television, but you have to enjoy the little things.

I've been thinking about it lately, and I've compiled a short list entitled Reasons Why the British Are a Superior People here are some of my favorites:
1. Tea time. We have cigarette breaks. They have breaks where people stop what they are doing and drink tea. That sounds like my nirvana.
2. The accent. Need I elaborate?
3. They have produced some of the greatest people in existence: The Beatles, Shakespeare, Sean Connery, David Beckham (and his body). Just to name a few!

Today I discovered yet another reason why British people are a hell of a lot cooler than us: they have a Dumbledore stamp. Yeah, you heard me, a postage stamp bearing the image of Dumbledore. I love Harry Potter and I'm not ashamed in the slightest about it. I would use the shit out of those stamps. I would mail everything. I would neglect my email accounts so that I could use my Dumbledore stamps. Come on United States Postal Service, get on my level. Pine cones, really? The Liberty Bell? That's original. Everyone complains that people never mail letters anymore. Well maybe if we spiced things up a bit we would see a hand-written letter revival. Food for thought.

Suzie Homemaker

Anyone who knows me is aware that I'm pretty into cooking, but I like things that are easy and don't require a long attention span. If you need some spaghetti, I'm your girl. If you're craving a bomb grilled cheese sandwich, look no further. And I can make baked goods all day long, but things that involve serious commitment are not really my thing. However I have decided to start making actual food for myself. I am adult after all and will actually need this life skill right about nowish. I'm going to start small with some old school favorites and I will test everything on my hungry roommate.

Tonight was the beginning! I grew up watching my mom make mashed potatoes for every major holiday. She's the Betty Crocker of homemade mashed potatoes. They're awesome. I count the days until Christmas, not for the gifts, but because I know I'll wake up to the sound of the hand held mixer whipping those potatoes into fluffy, buttery goodness. So I say to myself "Self, you've watched mom do it for 20 years, how hard could it be?" I did not use a recipe. Some might say mistake, but I say who needs a recipe? I made them from scratch adding a pinch of butter and some salt. THEY WERE AWESOME. Mom-you've got some competition. Thanksgiving is mine this year. Deal with it. I would gladly post a picture of said fabulous potatoes, but Caroline and I devoured every last bit without even bothering to use plates. Just forks. Standing in the kitchen eating out of the mixing bowl. That's how we do it in our apartment.

After tonight's success I will be making all kinds of delicious food. So stay tuned for the deliciousness that is sure to ensue and maybe I'll invite you to dinner.

The Boys Are Back In Town

First things first, Mr. Bear and Mr. Bunny have returned! It's a pre-Christmas miracle. I don't know how it happened, but I'm not going to ask questions. I'm just going to be stoked that they are back in my loving arms. They could not have come at a better time. Also in the package was an M&M dispenser. Like small gumball machine but with M&Ms. And my mom sent giant bags of M&Ms so if you get a craving for some, you know where to go. She also sent other candy and a Target giftcard. I hit the mom jackpot. But mostly I'm just happy to have my dudes back.

Now on a completely unrelated topic, I just realized that I do something and I'm wondering if other people do it also...whenever I watch documentary type shows that disturb me I automatically go into "that will never be me" mode. For instance, I am currently watching Hoarders and about 15 minutes into the show I started cleaning my room. It's not messy at all. I had one pair of shoes out in the open and a dress that I wore earlier hung over a chair. But according to these hoarders, that's how it all starts. Just a little clutter here and there, then a little more, then you can't remember if you have carpet or hardwood and you realize that it's been about two years since your saw your pet hamster. THAT WILL NEVER BE ME. I'm not a neat freak by any means (my parents and roommates will back me up on that), but I certainly clean on a regular basis and if you can't see any sliver of the floor that's an issue. Just sayin. 

That's My Dad

So today is a really special day for me and my family. As of today my dad has been sober for 6 months. And I have never been more proud of another human being in my entire life. To be quite honest never thought I would see the day when he would stop drinking. When he he was hospitalized in September I was prepared for the worst, but his stubborn ass just wasn't ready to go so fought and against all odds he hasn't touched alcohol since then. WHAT A FUCKING BADASS. Just sayin. It's pretty impressive. I'm just really overwhelmed by his transformation. It's like I have a whole new, fun, great dad. And it looks like this dad is going to be sticking around for a long time which I'm pretty excited about.

Because I had to drive back to ATX today I couldn't be with my dad so in honor of him I am watching is second favorite movie: Bad Santa. His number one is Casablanca...how well rounded. But I have to admit that this really is a funny movie. I don't always like Billy Bob, but he can pull of sarcasm.

Jersday

A guilty pleasure is just that. And one of my guilty pleasures is none other than Jersey Shore. I can't deny that when I'm channel surfing I get sucked in by those rust-colored, not so Italians. Not to mention that I, along with the rest of the college students in America, am enthralled with the soap opera that is Ron and Sam Relationship. It's clearly a lifetime movie just waiting to happen. Also I feel a kinship with Snooki because I feel like nobody else understands just how delicious pickles really are. Come one. Pickles are the greatest snacks. And whoever invented fried pickles deserves some kind of a metal. Let's not overlook the fact that a couple of those young men (Pauly and Vinny) are pretty easy on the eyes.

What's nuts is how much money those kids make. I mean come on, The Situation made something like $200,000 last year. For What? Having sex with lots of girls and going to the gym on a regular basis? I say that, yet here I sit on a Thursday night drinking my Jamba Juice and laughing out loud as Snooks and Deena get sent unknowingly to Times Square. Situation-1, Meatballs-0.

The Scarlett Number

In a little less than a month I'll be turning 20. No longer a teenager, but completely insignificant. The majority of my friends here in Austin are older than I am and most of them are already 21 (or will be by the end of the semester). While I am so excited for them, I'm also down in the mouth about it. Because I need to find things to do with other people while those friends go downtown...for the next year. Let me be clear, I'm not looking to go down on 6th and get schwasted.  I'm not a big drinker in the first place and even less so in public places so I'm really not going to go all Coyote Ugly and do a strip tease on the bar at Headhunters. I just want to be able to go places with my friends.

For instance, tonight I have no homework, I feel great and I just want to go out and do something. But all my friends are busy. So my plans consist of doing laundry, going grocery shopping, more laundry and watching a marathon of Jersey Shore (you know I love me some Pauly). I just need to get out of this apartment. I'm going crazy. And not in a United States of Tara kind of crazy, but a watching documentaries about 800 pound women, doing crunches on the floor kind of crazy. Help me!

This is what I need

I Don't Want No Scrub

I just want to talk about a couple things I find flawed with the logistics of the modern day dating scene. First of all, the next guy that makes an unoriginal pass at me in the HEB parking lot is going to get a black eye. Because seriously, that's getting old. Quoting mainstream pop/rap lyrics as a come on will give me a hell of an anecdote to tell at parties, but it's really not going to sweep me off my feet. What's with that? I don't listen to Ludacris and think to myself "Man, that guy really understands romance. I sure wish a dude would rap that to me later." What happened to the good old fashioned art of walking up to someone and introducing yourself. When did that become lame, because I think I missed the memo. And guys-don't yell profane "compliments" to a girl from a car window. Especially from the passenger side window. Because that probably means you don't drive and we don't want to get on that. So my ass might look nice in these jeans, but I'm not driving yours around in my car.

If you want to come at me with song lyrics, this is what it should look like.
(Trench coat optional.)

Something I have seen lately in my own life and in the lives of others is a lack of respect on dates. And I'm not saying anyone is being overtly mean, but technology is sort of taking over. I was out the other night and I saw a couple on a date. They looked pretty comfortable so I'm guessing it wasn't a first, but still, a date's a date. The guy checked his phone a grand total of nine times in the twenty minute period that I saw him. Unless there is some sort of emergency (in which case you shouldn't really be on a date anyways) PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. The world will continue if you go radio silent for all of an hour. I promise. Even Facebook will continue to operate in your absence. I suggest reading this post called A Gentleman's Guide to The 21st Century taken from the blog Make It Mad. Highly instructive.

Maybe I'm just being a Bitter Betty, but I don't think I'm asking too much here. Let's just all get our shit together and treat each other right.

Jesus Pancakes

True to form, whenever something really exciting is on the horizon my body decides to revolt. So naturally on the eve of Caroline's birthday I developed a nasty case of strep throat. Luckily this is my 237th case of strep so I knew immediately what I had and what needed to be done to treat it. Unfortunately, it took the staff at the urgent care clinic 3 hours to get on my level. I've had strep more times than anyone else I know combined. I can tell that I have it simply by the way that mouth tastes. Just write me the prescription and we can all get on with our day. No, I have to wait for them to run a test that should take 5 minutes but took 45 just to prove that I, in fact, have strep. But alas I am now chock full of penicillin and on my way to feeling better.

Despite my timing impaired tonsils, Caroline's 21st birthday party was a great success. All of our friends came out to celebrate with her and everybody had a fantastic time. The best part about hosting a party is that you don't have to go home after the party. It's boss. There's no driving, no walking up stairs, no unlocking doors. You just walk into your room and go to sleep. The downside of hosting a party is that when you wake up and walk into the living room you are greeted with the smell of stale beer (yum) and a plethora of solo cups. So naturally the three of us brushed our teeth, got dressed and left the apartment to pretend the mess didn't exist. Besides, it was a beautiful day outside so we would have been doing ourselves an injustice to clean rather than get out and soak up some Vitamin D.

So my other roommate, Carissa, and I decided to have a Sunday lunch date at Magnolia complete with Jesus Pancakes. That's right. You heard me. Jesus Pancakes. A plate-sized buttermilk pancake with bananas and chocolate chips baked inside. With grilled potatoes and orange juice on the side. If that doesn't say "Happy Sunday" I don't know what does. 

You know you want that.

It's Friday, I'm In Love

What is it about a Friday that just makes the world better? I don't know about you, but I just wake up on the right side of the bed on Friday mornings. Even the fact that our apartment is still falling apart around us isn't getting me down. Not to mention that while running errands with my roommate, Caroline, we came across a lovely girl scout peddling delicious cookies. Naturally we pooled our resources and invested in this young girl's business endeavor. I mean come on, they cost $3.50 a box. We had to help her meet her goal and get that giraffe key chain, right? And have you ever had a frozen thin mint with a glass of milk in the middle of the night after a party? If not, get on my level. It'll change your life.

One thing that did threaten to bum my Friday high was all the stink eyes I got while driving home from work today. It was a beautiful day so I rolled my windows down, turned my music up and jammed the fuck out to Warren Zevon's song "Werewolves of London." People looked at me like I was off my rocker for enjoying my life. I would just like to say this to the citizens who may encounter me while driving in Austin: I car dance. Get over it. YOU DO IT TOO. I just don't care if people see me. So don't mean mug me. I'm sorry that your day is not going as well as mine, but I'll send good vibes your way.

This is a great song to sing on a pretty day like today. My dad and I wore it out when I was a kid. Howl along. You know you want to.

 

I'm very excited to wish Caroline a happy 21st birthday in two hours. We're going to celebrate at our apartment tomorrow night. It's going to be awesome. Hopefully the air conditioner works by then or we'll all burn up, but that's an issue to be tackled tomorrow.

Accio!

I left my heart in San Fransisco Louisville, Kentucky....
My very sweet mother attempted to send me a care package filled with all kinds of treasures. The box included a target gift card, candy galore and even my old childhood friends, Mr. Bunny and Mr. Bear. These dudes have been with me since the beginning of time. Literally. March 21st will be our 20th anniversary so obviously we have some history. Sounds like the best package you've ever heard of right? So naturally I've been looking forward to it for a bout a week now and when it didn't arrive on time I began to become concerned. So this afternoon I go to the post office where they informed me that the box was in fact delivered in tact and on time! In Louisville, Kentucky. Now I  know it's been a while since my last geography class, but I'm pretty sure Austin, Texas and Louisville, Kentucky are not exactly close.

 It's shit like this that makes me wish I were a wizard..witch...whatever [I like Harry Potter, get over it]. I would just wave my wand and bizboombang that express mail package would appear at my apartment doorstep. Done and done. I already have a wand [thanks, Harry Potter World] now all I need is my Hogwarts acceptance letter and I'm golden.

It's Wednesday, hump day..workin towards that weekend

Today is just one of those days where I want to throw myself into a good marathon of trashy TV eat snacks alongside my roommate. So I am doing just that. After getting out of class and off work she and I are now lounging in my room laptops in hand, animal crackers, saltines, cell phones and remote all within arms reach watching the ever-so-compelling "My Strange Addiction" on TLC.

Being awakened today by the sounds of construction was not altogether unpleasant considering that the sweet melody of power tools has been my alarm for several weeks now. No, today the real excitement came when our toilet decided flood our bathroom completely of its own accord making it necessary for my roommate's lovely boyfriend to step in to save the day. We have an on call emergency maintenance staff, but a bathroom flood isn't an emergency seeing as our other roommate also has a bathroom. Go figure.

This early glitch in the day cannot overcome my joy in the fact that I do not have a paper to write tonight. Three papers due within two days was more than enough and tonight I have no homework and could not be more excited about it. This is the first evening in quite a while that I will be able to just take it easy. 

On a last note, I watched one of my favorite movies, Almost Famous, last night. The scene where everyone comes together by singing Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" is my favorite part and it's also my favorite song. One of my favorite songs to listen to in the car. I turn the volume all the way up (so I can't hear myself sing) and jam.